Most of us who have worked with creative manifestation principles are familiar with the admonition to Surrender Control.  We've been taught that this is a necessary last step in order to create what we want, and yet this is the hardest step in the creation process for my clients.  We have a much easier time with the  beginning steps of focus, imagining, removing blocks, and taking inspired actions.  Is there a secret to surrendering control?

First, remember that each of us has a controlling nature.  It's part of being human and has been essential for the survival of the species.  We are either trying to get what we want, or we are trying to protect ourselves from outcomes we don't like.  Surrendering control feels frightening because we no longer take action to get what we want. It can feel like we're leaving our fate to fate.  In fact, we are going against our natural instincts, so it is completely normal to have trouble with the surrender aspect of manifestation.

Surrendering control happens after all the doing, action steps have been taken.  It is not a passive state; it requires active faith in all the actions you have taken before you surrender control.   It is this paradox of taking actions, and then taking the action of non action that trips up most of us in our busy, action oriented society. 

One aspect of the controlling nature that might not seem controlling but leads to great suffering is denying and or fighting against the way life really is.  Each of us has our own version of reality, our own way of thinking of how life works.  Sometimes these versions match reality, but sometimes they do not.  What do you do when something occurs in your life that you think shouldn't be true, especially if this involves other people?  Do you accept that that is the way things are and adjust your view of reality, or do you ignore the evidence and keep behaving like you have always behaved?

We know we're unaccepting if we used the word, should.  We may say, "If he were a good husband he should want to spend time with my family, even if he doesn't like it.  That's what being a couple is about," or devastating to the self, "I shouldn't feel like wringing her neck because spiritual people aren't violent," or more mundane, "Why can't my son (he should) clean his room?" Notice that the thoughts are causing us to suffer, not reality.  When we can instead say, "Wow, he really doesn't like spending time with my family," or, "Wow, I want to physically hurt her," or, "He's not cleaning his room," we take the first step in being able to surrender control by accepting the way life is in this moment. 

Notice that the judgment of right or wrong is removed from the thought process and we are no longer at war with reality.  The facts are, the husband wants to forego the family gatherings and he's still a husband, feelings of hatred and violence arise in spiritual people, and the son for unknown reasons prefers a messy room.  We're certainly free to put the judgment back in later, but before we do that, why not examine the hidden belief system underneath first?  Maybe these are beliefs that you don't need any longer.  Maybe husbands can be good partners and not spend time with extended family.   Maybe being spiritual (or good)  doesn't exclude bad feelings.   And maybe being a slob is another way to live. 

Accepting the way Life is does not mean not taking action to support yourself or to maintain healthy boundaries with others.  It means taking action from a place of full acceptance of the way people and circumstances in your life really are.  And by at least momentarily stepping away from our beliefs and assumptions about the way life should work we have the chance to see that these beliefs are controlling us, but also they can make us control others around us in an attempt to make their version of reality match ours.  Instead try letting Life come as it comes without immediately going to war with it or denying it.  More peace and harmony within the Self and with others is a sure result, and the last step in the creative manifestation process of surrendering control will flow much more easily.

Would you like to know more? See Byron Katie's book, Loving What Is

Copyright Elaine La Joie 2004

Return to Publications

Return to Home