Several years ago, about six
months after my intuition began to awaken, many parts of my life began
to shift, and even to fall apart. I lost several friendships in
the space of a few weeks, and even though these were painful, I could
see the wisdom in letting these relationships go.
At the same
time, the base of my tailbone began to be very very sore. A fluid
filled cyst began to form on my tailbone, and I was told that I would
probably need surgery to have it drained in the next few weeks.
I also began to have trouble grounding myself energetically. I could
feel energy building within me, and I wasn't sure what was going to happen
next. At the same time I began having dreams of old incidences from
my childhood where I took on the importance of doing things in the right
way versus the wrong way.
A few days later
a very close friend became very angry at me because of what my intuitive
guidance had said about her. Her words triggered extreme grief
and uncertainty, and I had to lie down to manage the shaking and
sobbing. My reaction was out of proportion to the trigger;
intellectually I couldn't understand why I was reacting that way.
That night energy moved up from my tailbone out through my head.
At the same time this was happening, I had perfect recall of all
the experiences where I had acted on what I was taught to be right
versus wrong, especially when these choices went against my own
inner guidance. The flow of energy was so strong I literally
felt it coursing and burning through my body. I couldn't eat,
I had to visit the bathroom several times, and my body rocked back
and forth with the flow.
The next morning
my tailbone, which had been growing a fluid filled cyst, was completely
back to normal. I had to spend a few days in bed, exhausted emotionally
and physically. I didn't understand what had happened, but at I
knew I had cleared out a major block that kept generating unhappy experiences
for me. I now had tons of anger floating around me. I was
wise enough to know that this anger had been repressed for years.
I knew I
had to clear and release the anger, not stop it up. But, the unconscious
habit of stopping it up was very strong. However, each time I tried
to repress the anger, my tailbone would begin to feel sore. That
soreness became my physical signal that I wasn't fully dealing with my
emotions. Eventually the anger dissipated on its own.
Soon after that,
I ended the relationship with the friend who had triggered the event
in the first place, and I divorced my first husband because so many
hidden attractions to these old relationships no longer pulled at
me. I had become much more in relationship to my true self,
and much more able to express that self in the world and attract
the new right relationships to me. About a month after the
initial kundalini experience I began a deep friendship with the
man who would eventually become my current husband and ideal mate.
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