The most significant spiritual crises I've been through occurred in the summer of 2002.  The previous year I had been doing lots of work releasing old patterns that I didn't want in my life.  My teacher, Debra, has described this process as Shamanic Initiation, or Dismemberment, in which all that doesn't fit gets literally ripped away through a major illness, including depression or a kundalini experience.  In fact, some common symptoms of an ongoing kundalini experience are depression, insomnia, panic attacks, confusion, rushes of energy, and mood swings.

I had completed my Coach for Life training, and I was in the process of moving from Austin back to Portland.  One day during the summer, I was bitten by fire ants in my backyard.  Fire ants are venomous, notorious for crawling all over a victim before biting all at once.  I had been bitten several times before while working in the yard over the past couple of years, so I didn't think anything of it.  However, this time I had a severe allergic reaction and had to be taken to the hospital.  Afterwards, I did my best to remove the toxin from my system by taking special herbs.   For a couple of weeks my breath smelled very bad as toxins were released.

A month later, after going through some emotionally volatile experiences, I asked my coaching colleague, Barbara, for an energy healing.  A few hours after the healing I woke up feeling very unsettled, like I was on the verge of a panic attack, but not a panic attack.  It felt like the beginnings of another Kundalini rush, and I really didn't want to experience it.  I called Barbara, and she told me that I had been full of poison, which she had removed.  Then, she led me through a primal screaming, which cleared out the energy blockages which were ready to come out of me.  This took about an hour to do.  I felt so amazing good afterwards that I went downstairs to where my husband was sleeping and told him I was fine.  He said he could see the radiance all around me.  (My husband is not an intuitive)

I stayed up for a few hours, feeling energized and refreshed.  When I attempted to go back to bed, the same feelings of energy about to rush through me came up.  I ended up screaming for another hour.  After this second round, I felt fine again, but definitely tired out.  I really wanted to sleep, but once again the energy wanted to be screamed out.  So, I wound up screaming from about 1am all the way through 6am.  This pattern occurred for the next two nights.

Afterwards I was completely exhausted and spent about a week in bed.  My nervous system was so shot that I couldn't handle any noise and needed to eat very bland food, and not very much.  I also was incredibly thirsty.  I felt like I had to replace the water in every one of my cells.  I went to acupuncture a few days later, and my doctor couldn't believe how screwed up my pulses were.  Then I went again at the end of the week, and my pulses completely turned around.  A few days after that I was so energetic and alive, I didn't know what to do with myself.

Then, a few days after that, I was bitten by Fire ants again and had absolutely no allergic reaction.  (I had a panic attack though, because I thought I was 20 minutes from death)  My teacher, Debra, described this as all of nature working to heal me, that these Fire ants had done me a favor.

I came back down to earth over the next month or so, and I still had the kundalini energy moving through me, but it was much more low key.  Some weeks I couldn't sleep at all, some I couldn't eat at all, some weeks the energy would stay in one chakra and clear that chakra out, and then it would move up to the next chakra.  But, although physically and sometimes emotionally uncomfortable, it no longer was that incredibly frightening experience.

Over the past year and a half since this has happened, I have come into my own power as my true self.  I know this is the result of all the deep work I have done on my energy system, including my body, my emotions, and my mind. 

(published 2004)

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