Giving Up Outside Approval: Achievement Oriented

It may seem odd to talk about being achievement oriented as being at odds with developing our intuitive skills, but there is a direct correlation to how accurate our intuition can be based on how much we rely on outside approval.  And, whether we realize it or not, the need to achieve is really another aspect of trying to win approval from others.

Many latent intuitives have this driven trait, and are very good at performing in order to bring about this much needed approval.  This is because somewhere along the line approval became equated with love.  For many of us, our parents approved when we made good grades, or when made the varsity team, or when we were able to be their version of nice, complacent, well-behaved children.

The danger in achieving for outside approval is that by looking outside ourselves to fill up our hearts, we become disconnected from our hearts.  We no longer know what we authentically want.  We become outer directed instead of inner directed.  If we become disconnected from our hearts, we automatically are disconnected from our intuition.  This disconnection from our hearts leads directly to self-doubt, because we sense that inner emptiness, and we begin to feel like frauds.  If the self-doubt becomes too painful, we may fall unconscious and begin believing that we are our persona and that our worth depends on these achievements. (See Emotional Dissociation for a broader description)

This leads to more achieving, and to making things look good on the outside.  We even may become concerned about physical appearances, such as how our bodies look, how our spouses and children look, how our loved ones behave  (are they making us look good?)  Even if we don’t expect our children to be achievers, we may expect certain roles from them, continuing the role playing cycle for the next generation.  

The tragic thing about this is that as intuitives we can succeed at most anything we choose to do, but in approaching life from an outside approval state, we become more and more depressed and dissatisfied with life.  Our happiness can seem to depend on the next achievement or the next goal completed.  But this is never satisfying because what we truly want is fulfillment from within.  The only solution is to give up winning external achievements and the approval of others.  It means giving up being a Star.

Now, while there is absolutely everything right about being acknowledged for our gifts and our achievements by others, there is everything wrong for the intuitive when the acknowledgement is a motivating reason for pursuing our goals.  Instead, we need to focus back on our lost hearts, and what our hearts want. 

It may be that we will discover our hearts want us to do something that’s not a guaranteed success or will not win any outside approval at all.  (And for those of us destined to be intuitive readers or energy healers like me, making this transition is unappealing)  For many of us who have retrieved our hearts, we are retrieving broken hearts, and the healing required to integrate our hearts can be painful.

But, the beautiful result of becoming inner directed and inner approving is that we become truly authentic.  People love us for who we are, and what we do comes from who we are instead of what we think others will like.  We become fulfilled and inspired, and usually we are able to motivate and inspire others with our new sense of authenticity.  We still are able to make brilliant achievements, but we become detached from our persona.

This is a freedom that every intuitive must cultivate.  Take the first step by focusing on your heart and asking your heart to motivate you right now.


Want to know more?  Read about 4’s with 3 wings in Hudson and Riso’s Personality Types

4 Responses to Giving Up Outside Approval: Achievement Oriented

  1. Bree says:

    Hi Elaine, I really enjoyed this article as it explains a lot for me. My question is, how do I become inner directed and how do I find the authentic me ? How do I discover what my heart wants me to be ? I would like to work on this but I don’t know how or where to start . With many thanks , Bree .

    • Elaine says:

      Hi Bree,

      I am so glad you found the article helpful, and that you would like to become more inner directed! Good for you. The goal is to become more in touch with your heart or your soul. I started on my own with working through the Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron 20 years ago. It might be something worth checking into.

      Or, feel free to sign up for email support, and I’d be happy to mentor you through your self-discovery.


  2. Bree says:

    Hi Elaine,
    Thank you so much for replying so quickly. Your suggestions are really helpful and I will look into them.

    With many thanks

  3. Wayne says:

    Thank you so much for this, I have been focusing on my outer achievements that some how attempt to construct a self that is Worth more …..however I have simpler yearning I need to nourish and I intuitively know I need to let go in order to reaveal my authentic direction internally. Peace

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