Rebalancing Relationships

Most beginning intuitives and empaths have great difficulty in rebalancing their relationships as they open to their gifts. As we allow ourselves to intuitively see and know, we receive more and more information about our loved ones, about ourselves, and about how we behave in relationship that we cannot ignore. Behaviors that were tolerable before become intolerable, and change must occur.

Many beginning intuitives are reluctant to make changes in their relationships, especially family relationships and old friendships, because the rules were established so long ago. Our feelings of connection and belonging are at stake. But, if we are serious about opening our gifts and opening ourselves to Spirit, we must follow our intuition and our guidance. If that means adjusting relationships, we must do even that. When we consciously choose not to, we are telling our guides and our guidance that they are not worth listening to, and our intuition will naturally shut down.

Opening to our intuitive guidance brings change, and that change can be quite painful. Most human beings associate change with loss. But, if we can keep in mind that we are in a transition period as we make room for new relationships by clearing away or rebalancing old relationships, Spirit will take care of our basic human needs, including those of connection and community.

Many intuitives are also introverted, and have a tendency to withdraw when relationships do not go the way we want. (See Intuitive Introverted Withdrawal Pattern for more information.) We may feel very conflicted as we deal with our natural reaction to withdraw completely, and our need to keep the relationship as it is. If you are suffering from this conflict, you are not alone. Most intuitives go through this dilemma of extreme guilt and self questioning, and extreme anger and rejection of the other. (See the Guilt and Anger Cycle)

In the relationships we need to rebalance, many of us are in these relationships because we are functioning as empaths. We are channeling and processing the emotional turmoil in the relationship, or we are being the giving and supportive one. Without us, the other may tell us, or we may believe, the other will not be happy, they will be extremely hurt, or they simply won’t understand. Do not fall into the trap of believing that the other’s happiness depends on you; this is arrogance at its worst. The other person in the relationship with us is as powerful, capable, and connected to Spirit as we are, and can also create happy relationships. They are fully able to adjust and live their lives, even if they believe they aren’t, or even if they haven’t. At some level they do have choice.

Many times we know the other is completely invested in not changing. If they look closely at their behavior and the why’s of their behavior they will have to face their own unresolved wounds and insecurities. Going against what they expect and want will bring everyone around us discomfort. Many empaths know what is likely to happen if they insist on new behaviors, and so choose not to set new boundaries that would rebalance the relationship, all in order to avoid unpleasantness. This only leads to resentment and more pretense for the empath, and eventually loss of self worth and self respect. However, we can feel enormous pressure to go along with the local group think. I have seen my clients and others around me tolerate verbally and emotionally abusive behavior in the name of not making things worse for the group as a whole.

Usually things are only temporarily worse. Most of the time, people do adjust to the new relationship rules. It is up to us to speak up and enforce these new boundaries. Most of the time I see my clients filled with self-doubt and guilt over their basic right to choose and follow through on what is best for them (and best for the relationship) in the long run. They wonder if they are uncompassionate and selfish, completely ignoring the cost to themselves. Our souls and our subconscious are paying attention to this lack of self-care and self-respect. If we consciously choose to stay in these relationships, we will be up against a permanent block to the unfolding of our spiritual gifts, and we will not mature into fully individuated and conscious human beings.

Some of us fear that we can be in relationships only if the other is as committed to awareness and personal work as we are. This is not true. The other in the relationship may not be healthy emotionally or mentally, may be immature, may act out, but with us insisting on our own right to take ourselves out of harms way, we can make the interaction, even with unhealthy people, healthy for us. We know we are in a healthy relationship when we can take care of our emotional and physical health and we do not become emotionally enmeshed or feel emotionally responsible for the other, when we can see their flaws and respond with detachment and compassion instead of judgment and resentment, and when we can also see their true essence and the admirable qualities about the other.

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