I had a question arrive in my email box about dealing with the unspoken messages from someone else. In this case, my client is receiving “attack” vibes. What do we do when those are unspoken vibes and not acted upon by the other person? This is an important question for Empaths because we tend to respond to the unspoken and the hidden rather than what is actually going on literally. Here is her question:
“I get a weird vibe from one of the girls at our annual gathering. It’s like she wants to attack me or I annoy her or it’s like she jealous and I get this feeling of her wanting to put me in my place. Anytime I’m being funny or entertaining I can feel her energy. At times like these it would be nice to be normal and just not notice it and go on with my life like the others around me! I was super aware of her energy and not sure how to handle it. My usual method would be to shrink back and shut down or to try to please her which feels awful and weak. So as I was trying to figure out how to handle this these options came to mind. Do I…
a. understand that she is just injured somewhere in this area and is acting out of pain and needs healing and understanding. Try to send her love, make her feel more comfortable and try to help her. (feel like I’ve been burned by this approach in the past) b. Put up the strongest boundaries I can muster and try my best to go on with my life ignoring her. (this doesn’t really work for me) c. Think “oh this is interesting Sally is having these feelings hmm. I wonder what is going on with her?” and then let the energy go through me so to speak understanding that this is her stuff I DON’T have to own it and it doesn’t have to have power over me. Just let it be and bring the focus back on myself my body, what I’m seeing around me, what I’m feeling sensing etc. (This seemed to work pretty good!)
I do know the more I was afraid of her reaction the worse things seemed to get. The fear fueled it so to speak. Honestly acknowledging to myself, however, what I was sensing from her and then not taking responsibility for it and not giving these feelings power over me seemed to work well.”
OK, to answer this question, it’s helpful to look at it from the Drama Triangle perspective. Option a. operates from the Role of Rescuer. This person’s anger and annoyance isn’t really any of our business to fix. As Empaths we tend to try to fix things to make ourselves feel better. It can backfire, especially since the other person could easily fall into the Bully role if we step into the Rescuer role. Sure, she may be wounded or whatever, but it is not our business.
Option b. is somewhat doable and in other ways not doable. As Empaths we cannot ignore this extra information, especially when it is attack being directed at us. Trying to resist it in this way can be exhausting. At the same time, it is important to realize that hanging out in this type of vibration is also exhausting, and that there will be a cost later. This person is sending out psychic attack, and that does have an effect on our system.
Option c is great! It acknowledges what is going on. The attack vibes are real. It puts the responsibility on the attacker, and it also keeps us out of both the Victim and the Rescuer roles. (and bully role, too!) This identifying the problem, seeing who is responsible, and then moving out of the way of the vibration is the “aikido” of energetic protection. At the same time, the vibration in the room is still not good for us, and we should understand that our limits with such a person are going to be lower than other non-Empaths.
The description of coming back into the body and noticing what is literally going on is what is called moving into the perceptual state of the literal (serpent in shamanic terms) Doing so shuts off momentarily the perceptions of the hidden (jaguar) from which most Empaths live. But it is approaching the whole issue with non-personal awareness (the perceptual state of the soul) that allows us to be in such situations without having to engage them or get caught in someone elses drama.
The last bit of observation–that the fear tends to exacerbate the psychic attack–is my client moving into the Victim mode, which invites more attack from the Bully, even though no conscious drama is going on!!! This is the power of the drama triangle! The best protection from these situations is to not get caught in the other person’s Drama–don’t pick up whatever role they want you to play. And move out of the way. Sometimes we DO need to move physically out of the way as well, but do so without a big story of Drama around it.
With just an annual gathering of a few days, I bet my client can handle it and still enjoying the rest of the people there. If this was a daily occurance, then something would need to change for my client’s emotional health.
Let me know if you have more questions!!
Thank you so much. I am very grateful for your service! I never connected that option a. is the rescuer role. It’s nice to have the permission to NOT step in this role at a moment like this. I’ve be confused about this in the past thinking that the rescuer role may be the right, spirtual thing to do or that because I had this ability that I was obligated. It’s very freeing to read what you wrote about this.
I wanted to ask you if you could elaborate on the following regarding the perceptual state of the soul. In the situation with my friend how would this response look?
“But it is approaching the whole issue with non-personal awareness (the perceptual state of the soul) that allows us to be in such situations without having to engage them or get caught in someone elses drama”
Also, the best protection is to not get caught in the other person’s drama- don’t pick up whatever role they want us to play. This can be done by option c. but I believe you were saying that using non-personal awareness is ultimately a better way? I may have misunderstood you here so wanted to check.
Thank you for the information regarding the drama triangle. I have been involved in this triangle for so long playing all of the parts and had no idea what was going on. It make things a lot clearer to learn about these roles. I’m looking forward to hearing this Friday’s empath call.
Yes, when we understand the drama triangle and how we play on it, a lot of the drama goes away and we get more freedom! Don’t be too hard on yourself for playing on the triangle. It is an archetypal phenomenon, which means we all do it until we become conscious and can be at choice about it. Being a noble rescuer is part of the do-gooder belief system out there, but it usually does get us into trouble, because all roles of the Drama Triangle play out before the drama is done.
As for the perceptual state of the soul, that state gives us non-personal awareness, which means that our emotional body is not involved in taking in the information while we are in that state. Empaths tend to look at everything through their emotional state, and it can be a big practice to change this and see things from a soul’s view or a soul’s journey perspective instead. To practice, just set the intention to look at difficult situations through the heart chakra. You’ll get a bird-eye view of what is going on rather than one that riles up the emotional state.
What you were describing in option c is non-personal awareness, which comes from observing from the soul’s perceptual state. In Alberto Villoldo’s books he calls this state Hummingbird. His book, the Four Insights, describes it well. With option c, if you go to the Soul’s Level, you might get a glimpse of what your friend’s strategy is in engaging the world the way she does, but it does not concern you, and then you are free to decide what to do next without having to respond emotionally.
You have great instincts already for non-personal awareness. It’ll just take a little bit of practice to go there first rather than go to the Rescuer role on the triangle.
Thanks again. I love the description of non-personal awareness. I was able to practice this this weekend as I went to go stay with a childhood friend for the weekend. There is lots of drama going on in this household combined with lot’s of substance use.
I never connected that feeling fear of someone was being the victim and inviting the bully. It’s like this has all been so unconscious for me! Usually my friend’s husband and I would play out victim/bully with me being the victim. I’ve always be afraid of him because of his wild, unstable energy. This time I was really able to stay out of the triangle and what a difference. It’s hard to describle but it’s like I didn’t take anything personal. It was like I could see it for what it was and was sort of removed. My feelings were not involved it WAS like seeing things from a non-personal perspective. From a higher angle. Doing this and not having any fear of him felt so calm and safe. I felt comfortable. It’s like I was untouchable from the drama, totally removed. I also could have compassion for his situation, pain and way of being because I wasn’t threatend by him anymore. I guess you could say I was removed from him, his energy and feelings and didn’t engage them.
The amazing thing is that his bully behavior completely stopped after I stood my ground. I did notice that if I projected fear energy it was like BAM the bully would come out in a rude remark pretty much immediately. The feedback from him was that fast. This was a very powerful experience for me!
What I found happening though was that some old negative beliefs would come up and it’s like I almost became a victim to those beliefs if this makes any sense? I would start to mis-trust myself and this new power. When this happened I felt weakened, less able to stay removed and then became vulnerable to the bully again. I actually got overstimulated and got all floatly and ungrounded. Then I became afraid of these beliefs that were making me vulnerable again which just added to the floatly ungrounded feeling. It’s not possible to play victim to your own beliefs and thoughts is it? Is it possible to have an internal version of the drama triangle but just with myself? Is this possible or am I getting carried away?
Oh GOOD WORK!!! That is JUST the way to handle these types of situations, and to rest in that non-personal awareness, where you can observe and not take the unfolding personally. Great work!!!
And yes, the Bully behavior stops, because there’s no Victim there to Bully. Energetically, you weren’t giving out the “I’ve been wronged” or “I’m weak” energy. So, there was nothing for him to engage.
Yes, it is very possible to enter into an internalized Drama. The one I’ve had to deal with is the guilt and anger cycle, which I’ll talk more about on the Empath Telecall. But yes, you can have a set of beliefs that stir up certain emotions that in turn stir up Drama all in your own head, and what’s worse is that it can all get projected out in the world as well. It is great, Kringle, that you are becoming so aware! Now, get a hold of those beliefs, see if you can rewrite them, and if they are super ingrained, that’s when you come to the shaman for some energywork to dismantle whatever contract and trauma set up the belief.