Hi Everyone,
I’ve finished a new essay on the challenges of being an Empath called Emotional Advocacy. It’s under the publications page of my website. In this essay I talk about my experience of being pulled into the position of being the defender of an emotionally dissociated person. I was under the pull of a particular group dynamic, which many empathic people can find themselves in. I hope you enjoy, and that it’s useful!
The direct link is
http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmotionalAdvocacy.htm
Elaine
An emotionally disassociated person…that is the man I’m married to. Ahhhh! He’s so wonderful on the outside, does ALL the right things, even appears to “want” to be connected the way I speak of…yet, I just don’t know. It just leaves me more confused about our marriage. It seems he lacks the abiltiy to “dream” about anything…I mean he does not share with me his hopes and dreams, rather he has just taken a hold of whatever mine have been and went with them. Why doesn’t he have his own? What if deep inside what I want is not really what he wants, he just doesn’t know so he follows my lead?
When I ask for things that are very important to me, he seems to care but year after year I will watch them go by without this happening. Ex: He never proposed to me…not offically. We’ve been married almost 17yrs. I’ve asked him several times to propose to me in the “official” manner. I’ve expressed that I really want this, yet on our 15th Anniversary he bought me a ring, took me to dinner at a fancy resturant, then offered the ring and said “It’s nothing real big but….here” and gave me the ring. I know he was probably nervous but my goodness…we’ve been together for what feels like forever! Help!
Hi Heather,
It sounds like communicating with your husband is quite a challenge! If you haven’t heard of the Enneagram, you might be interested in reading about it in the book called Personality Types by Riso and Hudson. What you just described sounds like a type 9 to me. My first husband was a 9, and I remember feeling as frustrated as you do.
I think it’s great that you are speaking your needs. But, it’s important to remember that that is basically all you have control over. It almost sounds like your husband is passive-aggressively not giving you what you want as a way to express his aggression without having to admit that he is angry.
I’m right in the middle of writing an essay on passive agression and the personality that it tends to go along with. Stay tuned!
And hang in there!!!
all the best,
Elaine