Drama and Empathy—being a victim

Hi Everyone,

 I’m in the process of writing a guide for empaths, and one of the topics that comes up again and again in my practice is how Empaths tend to get stuck in drama.  A drama can be created when we find ourselves acting or behaving as victims.  Being a victim is a position of powerlessness, which then makes it hard to create the life we really want.  We literally cannot manifest our dreams because the vibe we put out is all around helplessness.  Instead, what we attract to us is a Rescuer (who tries to fix us or solve our problems for us, keeping us powerless) or we attract a Perpetrator (who picks on us, and makes us feel even more victimized).  This can be a hugely vicious cycle.  The way to get out of it is to catch yourself if you are blaming someone or circumstances for your emotional or mental state, and then put yourself back into a position of power by claiming responsiblity for your emotions and thoughts.  For empaths this can be a challenge because we can identify so strongly with our emotions.  The emotions are not the problem, however, our perspective around the circumstance at hand is.  When we change the way we relate to the world, it automatically changes how it relates to us. 

This entry was posted in Creativity, Drama Triangle, Emotions, Empathy, Energetic Contracts, Manifestation, Relationships, Removing Obstacles. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Drama and Empathy—being a victim

  1. Jenna says:

    Is the victim always responsible for the whole pattern? What responsbility does the rescuer have? I find empaths playing both roles, frequently, albeit in different circumstances.

  2. Administrator says:

    Hi Jenna,

    You ask great questions!! Absolutely, the victim is NOT responsible for the whole pattern. What we are each responsible for is our response, both emotionally and mentally, to what has happened. You can be a true victim of a crime (someone robbed your house), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will respond as an archetypal victim would. Being in the victim position of the drama triangle is only a problem when being a victim turns into a story that we identify with.

    Yes, emapths (and everyone, for that matter) play all the roles on the triangle. I do find that Empaths experience the most confusion when they are in the Rescuer position. Once again, it is fine to be a rescuer (save someone from a burning building) in those one time situations when it is called for. The danger comes when it becomes a lifestyle where we do not allow the rescued their own power, or we rescue with the unspoken or unconsious expectation that they will owe us later.

    This is a complex subject, isn’t it!!

    thanks Jenna, for the question!

  3. Debbie says:

    I am a 48 year old empath. I never even knew what I was until recently, an emapth, that is. I have always naturally fallen into a caregiver role, knowing what people need, sometimes, before they do & it’s hard to see sometimes, when you should help & when to stop & let others help themselves.
    Anyway, over the years, I have found myself, “rescuing” people that kept expecting more & more & MORE from me, eventually leaving me exhausted & when I would pull away or suggest that maybe they do more for themselves, these same people would turn on me like a rabid animal & I would fall into a victim mode. It happened w/significant others, & family, it happened at work, etc. And everyone was like “Oh, poor Debbie!” because I would run around to everyone I knew, that wasn’t involved, explaining what was happening to me & rallying them around me for moral support. It was a viscious cycle. One day it was like a light bulb went off over my head & I realized that the one “constant” in my life had been ME, becasue even though the “play” was the same, the “actors” kept changing. And I realized that I had to be drawing this to myself somehow. That’s when I realized that I never really took action in my life, I simply re-acted. I felt like a victim. It was always about what everyone was doing to me! And that’s a very scary place to be in. You’re at mercy of everyone else!
    I’m still trying to figure this one out, but I am getting much better. It is so hard, when you’re an empath, to see the line of when to help & when to step back, which, I feel, would help keep one out of the victim mode. And another thing, & maybe most importantly, while you’re busy with everyone else, DO NOT forget about taking care of yourself! I tend to overlook that one alot. Working on that one, as well.

  4. Administrator says:

    Bravo, Debbie!!!!

    You are on your way to mastering staying out of the Drama Triangle, which is SO DRAINING, especially for Empaths. And yes, thank you thank you for describing the dangers of the Rescuer role, and how we can flip into being victims when we do not rescue the way our victims in our lives would like. I was just about to post that next!!

    But Awesome work, Debbie. It is very very wise to know that you cannot support anyone without taking extra good care of the self first.

    All the best,
    Elaine

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