Hi everyone!
Well, at the urging of some of my clients, I’ve made some of my essays that will appear in my book available for purchase ahead of time. I hope to have the book published as a softcover book by the end of the year, but I’ve said that before. So, here’s the first set of 6 essays. Just visit my website here
http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathyandRelationshipsBook.htm
Let me know what you think, and I hope they are helpful!
much love,
Elaine
Hello everyone!
I had a question arrive in my email box about dealing with the unspoken messages from someone else. In this case, my client is receiving “attack” vibes. What do we do when those are unspoken vibes and not acted upon by the other person? This is an important question for Empaths because we tend to respond to the unspoken and the hidden rather than what is actually going on literally. Here is her question:
“I get a weird vibe from one of the girls at our annual gathering. It’s like she wants to attack me or I annoy her or it’s like she jealous and I get this feeling of her wanting to put me in my place. Anytime I’m being funny or entertaining I can feel her energy. At times like these it would be nice to be normal and just not notice it and go on with my life like the others around me! I was super aware of her energy and not sure how to handle it. My usual method would be to shrink back and shut down or to try to please her which feels awful and weak. So as I was trying to figure out how to handle this these options came to mind. Do I…
a. understand that she is just injured somewhere in this area and is acting out of pain and needs healing and understanding. Try to send her love, make her feel more comfortable and try to help her. (feel like I’ve been burned by this approach in the past) b. Put up the strongest boundaries I can muster and try my best to go on with my life ignoring her. (this doesn’t really work for me) c. Think “oh this is interesting Sally is having these feelings hmm. I wonder what is going on with her?” and then let the energy go through me so to speak understanding that this is her stuff I DON’T have to own it and it doesn’t have to have power over me. Just let it be and bring the focus back on myself my body, what I’m seeing around me, what I’m feeling sensing etc. (This seemed to work pretty good!)
I do know the more I was afraid of her reaction the worse things seemed to get. The fear fueled it so to speak. Honestly acknowledging to myself, however, what I was sensing from her and then not taking responsibility for it and not giving these feelings power over me seemed to work well.”
OK, to answer this question, it’s helpful to look at it from the Drama Triangle perspective. Option a. operates from the Role of Rescuer. This person’s anger and annoyance isn’t really any of our business to fix. As Empaths we tend to try to fix things to make ourselves feel better. It can backfire, especially since the other person could easily fall into the Bully role if we step into the Rescuer role. Sure, she may be wounded or whatever, but it is not our business.
Option b. is somewhat doable and in other ways not doable. As Empaths we cannot ignore this extra information, especially when it is attack being directed at us. Trying to resist it in this way can be exhausting. At the same time, it is important to realize that hanging out in this type of vibration is also exhausting, and that there will be a cost later. This person is sending out psychic attack, and that does have an effect on our system.
Option c is great! It acknowledges what is going on. The attack vibes are real. It puts the responsibility on the attacker, and it also keeps us out of both the Victim and the Rescuer roles. (and bully role, too!) This identifying the problem, seeing who is responsible, and then moving out of the way of the vibration is the “aikido” of energetic protection. At the same time, the vibration in the room is still not good for us, and we should understand that our limits with such a person are going to be lower than other non-Empaths.
The description of coming back into the body and noticing what is literally going on is what is called moving into the perceptual state of the literal (serpent in shamanic terms) Doing so shuts off momentarily the perceptions of the hidden (jaguar) from which most Empaths live. But it is approaching the whole issue with non-personal awareness (the perceptual state of the soul) that allows us to be in such situations without having to engage them or get caught in someone elses drama.
The last bit of observation–that the fear tends to exacerbate the psychic attack–is my client moving into the Victim mode, which invites more attack from the Bully, even though no conscious drama is going on!!! This is the power of the drama triangle! The best protection from these situations is to not get caught in the other person’s Drama–don’t pick up whatever role they want you to play. And move out of the way. Sometimes we DO need to move physically out of the way as well, but do so without a big story of Drama around it.
With just an annual gathering of a few days, I bet my client can handle it and still enjoying the rest of the people there. If this was a daily occurance, then something would need to change for my client’s emotional health.
Let me know if you have more questions!!
much love,
Elaine
Hi Everyone!
I am happy to annouce that I have been able to record the Empath Telecall for those of you who are looking for support and insight into your intuitive gifts. Right now there are two calls available for download, and the live calls are scheduled for the 1st and 3rd Fridays of the month. Our next call is this Friday. Please let me know if you’d like to join us. Right now we’ve discussed how the Empath deals with input from others, basic protections, and we’ve just begun talking about the Drama Triangle and the Empath. If you’d like to learn more, just go to my website and click workshops. It’s the first workshop listed.
Here’s to enjoying our Empathy and our intuitive gifts!
Elaine
Hi Everyone,
Wow! If you are an Empath, it’s hard not to absorb the doom and gloom mentality of the group right now (or consensual reality, as shaman’s like to call it) It is precisely at times like these that we must remember that we are the authors of our own stories. We are in charge of creating our lives. That is, unless we give our power over to others, without even realizing that that is what we are doing.
If you are scared and fearful right now, make sure that you aren’t tapped in to the group consciousness. Take back your power. You may have to turn off the news or stop reading the paper for the next few months. Instead, look at what you are creating in your life right now, look at what you have control over right now. This is your focus–the rest of it really doesn’t matter.
But, is there anything that needs to change in your life? Now is the best time to make those changes. Is there anything out of alignment with your personal essence, your soul? Now is the time to start the transition. It’s hard, because change always brings up fear, but moving forward now is so important.
Many of my clients and friends are going through big shifts right now that they had put off for a few years. None of us can get way with putting off our work, including the country as a whole, apparently! But our focus needs to be more local.
If you are in a tough spot, with a job loss, or a relationship on the brink, it is the perfect time to remember your creative manifestation skills. It is the perfect time to take this time as an opportunity to connect back to the heart, the soul, and make those changes now.
I have been filled with fear over the past few months–I’ve been absorbing the group think and also my beliefs about the pachakuti (2012) have been triggered. It’s been the perfect time for me to look at my own power, and what I want to create. Looking at my life now, I’ve seen that I’ve done the work in my relationships and in my practice. Everything is in pretty good alignment. There’s no reason that I won’t be well supported like I always have because I’ve gotten those kinks out of the way. Of course, there’s no guarantee of this, but life is a risky business–but this was true before the financial crisis! Taking stock at where I am, what I want to create in my life, I see all is well, and much of the fear subsides. That is, until I look at the paper again!
So make this a practice–Look to your own power when frightened, make sure you’re in charge of your consciousness, regroup, reconnect to your soul, and go back to living your life supported by the Great Spirit.
much love!
Elaine
Hello Everyone!
I’m happy to annouce the first session of my teleclass for Empaths and Intuitive Introverts! The first class is scheduled to being this Friday at noon pacific. If you are an Empath and want advice and information about how to manage your gifts, this call is for you. You can see more information and sign up for the class by going to:
http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/EmpathyTeleClass.htm
The format of this call will be lecture and information based on a topic from my book, The Healing Journey for the Empath, plus small group coaching if participants have questions about applying this information in their own lives.
I hope you will join in!
Much Love,
Elaine
Hello Everyone!
My newsletter for January, with a description of my two new classes, is available at:
http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/January2008Newsletter.htm
Enjoy!
love,
Elaine
Hello Everyone!
I’m wishing you a very prosperous and joyful 2009!! I am just returning to work after a three month long sabbatical, during which I have had time to think about changes to my practice. The most major change is that I am no longer taking on-going clients. For the past two years, most clients have worked with me for a year and longer. What this meant is that I did not get to see very many people. So, in an effort to reach more people, I am going to offer teleclasses this year on Empathy and the Healing process, an in-person class on Dreaming your Life into Being (in Portland), and a very small mentoring program for beginning healers who want to broaden their base of knowledge with shamanic work, intuitive work, and coaching skills. If any of these sound good to you, don’t hesitate to shoot me an email.
I’m looking forward to meeting with you all soon!
Elaine
Hello Everyone,
My October newsletter is now available at http://www.clearreflectioncoaching.com/October2008Newsletter.htm
Enjoy!!
Elaine
I was just asked the question of whether it should be explained to the dissociated hero the motivations that lead her to be cold and unfeeling in her relationships. My reader had found my essay on dissociated heroes and discovered that his girlfriend could be described as one. Especially in a break up situation, explaining what is wrong with the hero is probably a bad idea. While it can be a relief to discover the motivations behind a person’s actions, especially when that person has hurt or aggravated us, we have to remember that people are defended for a reason. To forcibly break down those defenses is in some ways very cruel.
Of course, most Empaths are not attempting cruelty, they are attempting to bring clarity. Empaths, who are very attached to clarity and authenticity and so tend to listen carefully to others’ observations of them, have a tendency not to see that their efforts at explaining the faults of another when unasked are seen as an attack rather than as a help by the average person, and by the dissociated hero in particular. If a break up has already occurred, chances are that the defended hero is not interested in learning more or becoming more self-aware. Questions to ask before attempting to educate a former mate or best friend are, “Is this person aware of the affect her actions have on others, or does she react based upon how she believes the person should react according to his role?” “Does she normally just want to move onward and forward without looking back at the past?” The answers to these questions will reveal how disconnected the Hero is from her inner self. The more disonnected, the worse an explanation will be received.
Most dissociated heroes are not interested in becoming self-aware. That very self-awareness points them in the direction of their inner feelings of unworthiness. If the Empath or the unwitting person decides to inform the dissociated hero of what motivates her, the Empath is likely to be attacked or even completely ignored in return. If the Empath doesn’t mind the verbal and psychic abuse likely to head her way, konking the dissociated hero on the head with unwanted knowledge can be a sufficient release of frustration, and also has the added benefit in that the Empath can assuage any feelings of having not done enough to save the relationship.
Perhaps in some cases a revelation might be helpful. I have found this only to be true if the other, when not under stress, has committed to a lifetime of personal growth, and understands the challenges, AND when under stress walks his/her talk. Even those that do commit to growth can reach their limits and simply may not be able to see past their own defenses. This applies to all of us, not just dissociated Heroes. Growth happens in its own time, and usually it happens most gracefully with the consent and inquiry of the one undertaking the growth. So, as long as my reader is ready to take the consequences, it may be worth it to him to attempt to educate the Hero.
I have to say, though, that when I was involved with a dissociated Hero, my attempts to educate her led to the break up of not just our friendship, but several other relationships in our group of mutual friends as well. Not only that, but the information I gave the Hero fell on deaf ears in that years later she asked for my help in getting out the same sort of dramatic situation Heroes tend to create that I had complained of. At the time her request for help was mindboggling, but that is how disconnected from reality dissociated Heroes can be. People really do learn in their own time and sometimes not even with help, and not even with cold hard experience.
Let me know if you have further questions or comments on this topic. I know this is a hot one for Empaths, who are driven to be authentic and truthful, and fix whatever needs fixing. Sometimes the motto to follow is to cause the least harm and let others to their own paths without our input, especially when it has been made clear that it is not wanted or valued. Sometimes that entails simply cutting our losses and walking away, without the reconciliation and the understanding we might want, or they might want, given that we’ll suffer damage by staying in the relationship.
